'L'

Is for Letting go, Living life and Loving you and me.

I would never share what have I written personally in that 'secret red book' but since I've chosen to share this late incident with my close friends, I thought I will just blog this page out.
Something I wrote in La Tanglin Boulangerie. Okay, I made that last word up, I forgot what it's called.

"L is for letting go, love and living life. I couldn't explain enough or had I explained too much for what took place in the past week?

A decision, a promise, a faith and a love.

A past, a present and perhaps a future.

I won't want to forget Jason's decision last night. He said if he lets go now, I would be left with nothing, I will lost something inface. That he will not be happy. He would be happy to let me go, if I "gain" something and be happy. (Even that would have meant it's Ronald or anyone else) That is his decision, his faith and his love.

I don't have a past with Ronald and Jason's right that I may never get to see him again. (That sentence hurts so badly but all I know that..it's true, could be true.) A present with Jason would be the most blissful thing and a future to myself, is unknown.

Letting go. Letting go of Ronald. Letting go of my past. I don't mean forgetting them.I guess I will not learn to forget. LEtting go is my last compromise and it is the hardest.

Love. Love's what granted to me now. Love who love me now. Should I love someone new again, I regret not loving now, loving anyone, loving you. And I hope you regret not too.

Living life. Life's too short and the unexpected happens all the time.Living life, not just now nor the future. Together with the past..that's how life is made up and you learn to live it."

You heard of this song by Nu Flavor called 'Heaven.'
I thought it is a very beautiful song.(and you gotta listen to the melody.) We often heard people praying to God or Angel but Heaven, it is something quite new to the ear then.Heaven is quite a beautiful word.

And that song was my last song for 'him'.
I don't want to say goodbye cos' it hurts. We may meet or we may not. But I guess that is how letting go comes about.

First time I saw you girl,

You turn me upside down

I can't stop thinking about you

My head is spinning round

I got to find a way to get with you somehow

Girl I'm so crazy for you

You know I want you now

And every minute of every single day

I'm dreaming of how it could be

And every night before I go to sleep

I'm praying that soon you'll be here with me

Heaven, heaven oh heaven can't you help me

I looked in her eyes now she's all I see

Heaven oh heaven can't you help me

I'm down on my knees please help me

Cant fall asleep tonight

I don't know what to do

I hold my pillow but I wanna be holding you

And when close I my eyes I always see your face

I know my happiness is only a kiss away

And every hour here in the dark

Everyday of my lonely heart

Tells me that I need to be with you

Heaven oh heaven what can I do

Heaven, heaven oh heaven can't you help me

I’ll give her my love for eternity

Heaven oh heaven can't you help me

I'm down on my knees please help me

Girl I'd give anything if you were here with me

Give anything you want and anything you need

I never thought that I could feel the way I do

But now I wanna spend the rest of my life with you

And every day that we are apart

I'm saving this love here in my heart

And every night before I go to sleep

I'm praying that soon you'll be here with me

Heaven....(repeat until fade)